This trend didn’t come out of nowhere. Over the past few years, influencers like Hannah Neeleman (aka @ballerinafarm) and Nara Smith have, purposely or not, popularized the “trad wife” lifestyle. To their millions of followers, they extol the virtues of making meals from scratch—in Neeleman’s case, from the produce grown on her farm. Most of their content is filmed in the kitchen, baby on one arm, whisk in the other. They sell an idyllic image of gender roles and tradition—one that is, of course, simply an illusion. Many see them as promoting the “soft life” of homemaking and family-rearing, but both of these women have turned their identities into brands. They’re not just baking bread, they’re building businesses—a complete contradiction of the philosophy they’re romanticizing.

I was raised by a stay-at-home mother, albeit one who did not own an apron and who definitely didn’t shun packaged foods, but who was always proud to write “homemaker” as her profession on forms. Her job was raising me and my sister, and trust me, I know it was a job. But, having come of age in the ‘60s and ‘70s, in the era of bra burning and Roe v. Wade, one thing she always reminded me of was choice. It was her choice to be a full-time mom, and she was thrilled with my choice to pursue a career in journalism. But not everyone thinks it should be.